Despite usually being a private person, I have always been vocal and open regarding mental health issues. I have generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder, which has caused me to struggle with depression, agoraphobia, and postpartum psychosis in the past. Right now, I am wrestling postpartum anxiety, though to be honest it started about a week, maybe a week and a half, before the baby was born. I have not felt healthy, calm, centered, or safe for more than 40 days. It is impossible to feel truly happy, or enjoy anything like I should. Every day is a struggle. It is, frankly, a living hell.
The doctors tell me it’s hormonal, that I am ok, I just don’t feel that way. They’re probably right, but they aren’t addressing the physical symptoms- the swollen lymph nodes in my throat, the dizziness that lasts hours- that are, at least in part, triggering the anxiety. I will persist, though. I will be having my vitamin levels checked, to see whether or not this might improved with some vitamin D or B.
It’s really hard to see right now, but good things will…HAVE…come from this. Suddenly, for the first time in my life, my health is truly a priority, and I have overcome a lot of bad habits- like my caffeine addiction & sweet tooth- overnight. I’m seeing a behavioral health specialist, who has turned me towards some of the resources available to me. I’ve realized how much my family cares about me. I’m discovering new coping tools- for example, today I joined in on the 5 day Yoga for Mental Health Challenge with Ashley Turner, albeit a bit late. I learned a mudra there (pictured below) that is supposed to help with anxiety. I just have to keep reminding myself- good things will and HAVE come from this.
One day I will be able to look back on this and, in a way, be glad it happened. Until then, please keep me in your prayers.